It’s been quite a long time since I had such close encounter with people nearing death. Long enough for me to forget how it’s like to be taking care of the dying.
The most recent one for me was for my grandfather. That had been 5 to 6 years ago. The bulk of the responsibility fell on my family, especially my mum, and my eldest aunt. My grandfather should be considered as someone who can be taken care of quite easily, as he doesn’t complain or grumble much. It’s only now that I’m fully appreciative of his character.
Am now on my way home from a daimokukai for a WD member’s home. The family is preparing themselves for her husband’s funeral, making arrangements for the placement of the ashes, etc. Saw the kind of helplessness and sadness in their eyes, especially when their loved one could no longer bring out the fighting spirit against the illness. It make me wanna cry for them.
It makes me ponder, how much I could handle, if any of my loved ones were to go through this. It also makes me ponder, how much fighting spirit I could bring out, if this happens to me.
Just by thinking of the posibility of you not being by my side anymore makes me wanna cry. I dunwanna think about it. Not now. I’m not ready.
What about my family? My parents and siblings? NO!!
Ok stop. No more.
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